Love That Feels Safe

There was a time I thought love was supposed to feel like a rollercoaster. You know the feeling. The racing heart. The constant checking your phone. The analyzing of texts with your friends like it’s a crime scene investigation. The butterflies. We were told butterflies meant chemistry. Intensity meant passion. Uncertainty meant excitement. But no one told us that sometimes butterflies are just anxiety in disguise. Let’s talk about the difference.

Butterflies are unpredictable. They flutter. They spike. They disappear. They make you wonder:

• Do they like me?

• Did I say too much?

• Why haven’t they texted back?

• Are we okay?

  
  

Butterflies often come from inconsistency. From not knowing where you stand. From emotional highs and lows. Butterflies can feel intoxicating. But they can also feel like survival mode. Your nervous system is activated (I hate butterflies for that exact reason). Your thoughts are racing. You feel wanted… but not necessarily safe. And sometimes what we called “spark” was actually insecurity.

Then there's peace. Peace feels different. Peace doesn’t rush. Peace doesn’t confuse. Peace doesn’t disappear overnight. Peace sounds like:

• I’m here.

• You don’t have to perform.

• You don’t have to guess.

• You are safe with me.

  
  

Peace doesn’t make you question your worth. It doesn’t make you shrink. It doesn’t make you compete. Peace feels steady. Grounded. Like your shoulders can finally relax. Love that feels safe allows you to be fully known without fear of abandonment. And the best part, peace isn't actually boring. We’ve mistaken chaos for chemistry for so long that calm can feel unfamiliar at first. But safe love? Safe love is deep. It’s intentional. It’s passionate without being volatile. It’s not fireworks every second... instead, think of it as a fireplace that stays lit.

If you want to know what safe love looks like, look at the way God loves you. He is consistent. He is steady. He does not play games. He does not withhold affection to test you. You don’t have to earn His presence.You don’t have to compete for His attention. You don’t have to guess where you stand. Scripture says, “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God’s holy people." 1 Corinthians 14:33 Love that reflects Him will not constantly leave you confused.

I'm not saying butterflies aren't real. Attraction is real. And chemistry matters. But butterflies without peace? That’s a warning. Butterflies with peace? That’s beautiful. Because the right kind of love can still make your heart flutter—but it won’t make your soul feel unstable.

How do you know it's safe love? I almost didn't think you'd ask. I'd describe safe love as:

• One who honors your boundaries

• One who communicates clearly

• One who fights for resolution, not domination

• One who makes you feel secure even when you’re not in the same room

• One who encourages your growth instead of competing with it

• Feels like rest, not performance

Safe love doesn’t mean perfect love. If you find perfect love in someone beside God, let me know. There will still be disagreements. There will still be hard conversations. But you won’t feel like the relationship is hanging by a thread every time something goes wrong. You won’t feel disposable. You’ll feel chosen.

SHE Walks in Faith

Heart check questions.

1. When you think about love, what do you crave more—excitement or security? Why?

2. Have you ever mistaken anxiety for chemistry?

3. What does peace feel like to you?

4. Do you feel like you have to perform to be loved?

5. Does this relationship (or the ones you pursue) reflect God’s character—or your wounds?

🩷 Prayer

Lord, teach me the difference between excitement and security. Help me stop mistaking anxiety for chemistry. Rewire my heart to crave what is steady, kind, and safe. Remind me that Your love is the safest place we will ever rest. Amen.